Reflections From The Rabbit Hole

Reflections From The Rabbit Hole

Saturday, July 15, 2017

IN TIMES OF WAR


No, I'm not talking about war on the battlefield, I'm talking about war that disrupts your life, the war you must fight to continue on.

Today, with all my babies taking a nap = Darby Doodle, Toot, Emma, Penny, Pete, Linus, Lucy Belle and Charlie Brown = I struggle with today and tomorrow, never knowing what to expect with this torturous life and uncertain future.

But, Fate stepped in and dealt me another blow = my beloved baby girl Pete was diagnosed with an incurable health problem and since yesterday I'm fighting an internal war to hang on to my sanity. I brought her home and received a lot of prayers. Whatever God has in store, I have to deal with that later, but I believe in prayers, because prayers brought her to me.

Lost my beloved BabyDoo last July - had to make room for that internal war of dealing with that loss and it's been almost a year and I'm still here, more fragile and vulnerable than I have ever been. I know life gets thrown at you and you deal with it the best you can. Me = I've been crying and grieving a lot over Pete's situation and Boo's death and I can't hold it in and I don't think it's good to hold that grief in. You have to talk about it, let it out and try to heal your soul.

So, on this beautiful summer day, all the babies are resting, but a cloud is hanging over my head. The war continues and I don't know if I will make it out of this one in one piece, but I've been blessed with another year after a near-fatal bout of pneumonia, but the war for survival is not over, having suffered a stroke 24 days ago, learning to talk again and trying to make my left side stronger = want to give up, it seems too much to overcome, don't know how I keep going, don't know where that inner strength comes from.



In times of war, I pray for inner strength and God's grace = really need it today, faltering with each step I take, I'm afraid I'll fall on my face and not be able to get up again.

I'm praying for my beloved baby girl Pete with all the faith I have and I'm praying for a friend's mother, who is very ill = may God reach down and heal these two souls who need all your prayers right now. Friends comfort me without knowing it = just being there is a comfort and it makes my dark cloud go away for just a few minutes. 

Time doesn't heal, it just passes by and makes us older and the war inside me rages on.