When The Night Wind Howls

I think the picture speaks for itself, especially on this day of all days, Halloween, my least favorite time of the year.

I guess I've been burnt so many times with people putting on a false face and taking me for a ride, is the reason I'm not in the mood to look at a lot of people wearing masks when it gets dark at night, especially children, because I think they can be the cruelest of all human beings when they set their mind to it.

And I think that cruelty comes from the parents, who they mimic and see as role models, role models the child doesn't mind being like, because they live their entire life trying to please one or more of their parents. Really, they don't owe their parents anything. Sure, they raised them, fed them, clothed them, but did they truly love them? The child, in their soul of souls, think they did indeed, love them.

In some families, I think the word "love" is thrown around too often and too falsely = no meaning or feeling connected to it. They love their child (or children)  as long as they make them proud. Some parents live their lives through their offspring and take pride in their accomplishments like they have, too, accomplished that goal the child has managed to accomplish, whatever it is.

When the child decides to become their true self, if the parents don't agree with that choice, they turn their backs on that child. If the child picks a lifestyle or profession the parents are proud of, they can't do or say enough to people about their "children = I'm so proud of all my children" = each compliment having a ring of falseness in its tone.

Cynical? = perhaps = you be the judge, I'm not being the judge, I'm just expressing my feelings, my opinions and besides, we all live in a glass house, so I'm not going to throw any stones.

People don't take me seriously when I talk or when I do something = they fall back on "well, he is mentally ill, so therefore he must be making all that stuff up". Well, news flash, I'm not making it up.

My opinions, my feelings don't seem to matter, no one seems to be interested in people my age because they think "he's set in his ways and he's not going to change" = well, duh, that's a given.

My most loyal companions have been my  pets = and in that respect, I have been accused of having so many pets around me because they "can't talk back, they don't have an opinion they can voice".

Loyalty lies in the love they show me and have shown me over the years, not so of some of the people I have had the misfortune of crossing paths with.

People stayed close to me, as long as I agreed with everything they said, listened to all their "tales of woe", helped them out financially, gave them a place to stay, put food on their table, chauffeured them around anywhere they wanted to, and like I said, listened endlessly to  "their tales of woe" = but when I finally stood up and said "enough is enough" = they turned their back and waked away and never showed their presence in my life again, which has been a blessing for me. Because, to share your life and your space with someone who ultimately turns out to be the one who betrays you by not being thankful for all you have done for them, they just walk away, just walk away, the harshest form of betrayal.

My education, which I worked my ass off to accomplish, has often been thrown up in my face, making me "prove" my intelligence and know-how by answering any question thrown at me = they relish it when I don't know the answer = they make jokes about my sexual identity = treat my life as a joke, a punchline they can't wait to throw at me. After all, a man "living with all those cats can't possibly be someone to be taken seriously". And I'm supposed to look up to these people who say "all my children, I'm proud of all of them" as if to make a point, feeling pride, living their life through them. I don't live my life through anyone else. It is what it is = my life is what it is = I am what I am = 

Are you a wolf in sheep's clothing or is that just the face you are going to put on tonight?