With a storm erupting outside tonight, my mind is eerily quiet, it's not filled with all those crazy thoughts and names and pictures floating around = something rare in my universe.
You see, I've created my own universe, my own little spot in the world, which works for me but would not work for anyone else. I guard my privacy and independence with a wary eye for any intruder who may spoil my nest. Those who are disrespectful of my life are not welcome.
I'm coming off a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows which pushed me to the brink of madness during the last 3 months = still not sure if I've gotten off the ride, but the ride is slowing down somewhat and again that is rare in my universe, in my life.
My life tells a story of beating the odds, overcoming obstacles, landing on my feet, etc., etc. It has been told in many ways and I won't repeat it here, everyone is familiar with it and familiarity can breed contempt and I surely don't want people to feel any contempt toward me. I know there are people who don't like me or agree with me on certain issues, but that is never going to change = I'm not bending my beliefs and my will to anybody's image of what their truth may be.
One of my nieces said she and I no longer shared the bond of friendship because of the way we "butted heads" on the facts of my life = again, my life, not hers, mine. She never put her life into the equation except to say she could't come around to my way of thinking.
Her loss, I say.
As I get older, my views don't change on many things and I believe that is common with people my age. I never believed I would live past 30, let alone deal with being 71-years-old. Body aged, mind still young.
In my youth, I tested the boundaries of good taste, pushing the envelope too far at times, just to see what I could get away with. It is in a lot of my postings I have blamed my past for my present, but I don't believe that's 100 percent true, maybe 50 percent true. When a person reaches a certain age, the "blame game" doesn't quite work any more.
I have made my own way down a bumpy road to get this far and I count my blessings every day. God gives me another day and I take it, good or bad, I take it. I don't believe God can fix everything, but I have witnessed miracles I know came from him, there is no other explanation for it. I believe God walks among us and could be anybody you come in contact with.
My spirituality tells me that a soul doesn't entirely leave us, but comes back every now and then in spirit to tell us they are OK, that we are OK, and for us to move forward. In times of great sadness, which I have experienced recently, it was hard to believe that, but I saw signs that made me believe.
Will the remainder of my life then, be peaceful = probably not. If you make plans, God just laughs, because you believe you are in control of your destiny and He knows you are not. I don't make plans, I put one foot in front of the other and hope I make it through any given day.
My life tells its own story.
In my youth, I tested the boundaries of good taste, pushing the envelope too far at times, just to see what I could get away with. It is in a lot of my postings I have blamed my past for my present, but I don't believe that's 100 percent true, maybe 50 percent true. When a person reaches a certain age, the "blame game" doesn't quite work any more.
I have made my own way down a bumpy road to get this far and I count my blessings every day. God gives me another day and I take it, good or bad, I take it. I don't believe God can fix everything, but I have witnessed miracles I know came from him, there is no other explanation for it. I believe God walks among us and could be anybody you come in contact with.
My spirituality tells me that a soul doesn't entirely leave us, but comes back every now and then in spirit to tell us they are OK, that we are OK, and for us to move forward. In times of great sadness, which I have experienced recently, it was hard to believe that, but I saw signs that made me believe.
Will the remainder of my life then, be peaceful = probably not. If you make plans, God just laughs, because you believe you are in control of your destiny and He knows you are not. I don't make plans, I put one foot in front of the other and hope I make it through any given day.
My life tells its own story.
I love putting graphics in my postings and usually there are several throughout, but this particular one I think tells the reader what I want to convey.
I'm not a romantic, even if there is a heart in the picture, because personally I don't believe in romance, it comes off to me as very phony, very contrived and I don't think it's human nature for two people to join together and spend their entire lives together, it's just something I don't believe in. All the postings on Facebook of couples expressing their undying love and affection for each other is not believable. I'm sorry, it just isn't.
I believe their expressions of undying love and affection for one another is put out there for everyone to see, to hide what their lives are really like behind closed doors = not so great. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words and the words to me are not flattering.
I'm not a romantic, even if there is a heart in the picture, because personally I don't believe in romance, it comes off to me as very phony, very contrived and I don't think it's human nature for two people to join together and spend their entire lives together, it's just something I don't believe in. All the postings on Facebook of couples expressing their undying love and affection for each other is not believable. I'm sorry, it just isn't.
I believe their expressions of undying love and affection for one another is put out there for everyone to see, to hide what their lives are really like behind closed doors = not so great. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words and the words to me are not flattering.
Every life has pieces, like puzzle pieces, you might be able to put the corner pieces together to make an outline of the puzzle, but when you start working it, some of the pieces are always missing, the important pieces that bring everything together. Those pieces tell a story, sometimes to be told, sometimes to be left untold.
From infancy until the time you leave this Earth, you have to fill in the "dash" between the date of your birth and the date of your death = it's up to you how you make those pieces fit. Sometimes they never fit and you waste your lifetime trying to figure out why. I wasted a lot of years doing that and realized that until I became "true to myself" that nothing in my life was going to change = it was up to me to change it, to make the pieces fit the way I wanted them to fit. I took that giant step in 1989 when I filed for divorce and struck out on my own.
The first part of that journey did not go very well, but I learned a lot about myself during the process. I'm still a work in progress, but it is my journey I'm on, no one else's. No one is responsible for me but me, regardless of the help I've received along the way. The final and ultimate decision for my life's trajectory is left up to me, my decision.
My life, indeed, tells a story, a mixed bag of events that are not significant to other people, even though they like to read about them, but they are significant to me, milestones if you will, of things I have done, things I have accomplished, things I couldn't do, things I couldn't accomplish and the good, the bad and the ugly, a lot of ugly.
But my life now is filled with the blessings of my babies = Darby, Toot, Emma, Pete, Penny, Linus, Lucy Belle and Charlie Brown. Baby-Doo is missing in physical form but alive in spirit all around me. My grief for him is still raw, there will be no closure, there is no end to the pain of the loss, just a place to put his memories and bring them out to cry or laugh about.
Baby-Doo, your life told me a story and I cherish those chapters you shared with me for almost 13 years. Love you always, my beloved old friend and miss you always.
From infancy until the time you leave this Earth, you have to fill in the "dash" between the date of your birth and the date of your death = it's up to you how you make those pieces fit. Sometimes they never fit and you waste your lifetime trying to figure out why. I wasted a lot of years doing that and realized that until I became "true to myself" that nothing in my life was going to change = it was up to me to change it, to make the pieces fit the way I wanted them to fit. I took that giant step in 1989 when I filed for divorce and struck out on my own.
The first part of that journey did not go very well, but I learned a lot about myself during the process. I'm still a work in progress, but it is my journey I'm on, no one else's. No one is responsible for me but me, regardless of the help I've received along the way. The final and ultimate decision for my life's trajectory is left up to me, my decision.
My life, indeed, tells a story, a mixed bag of events that are not significant to other people, even though they like to read about them, but they are significant to me, milestones if you will, of things I have done, things I have accomplished, things I couldn't do, things I couldn't accomplish and the good, the bad and the ugly, a lot of ugly.
But my life now is filled with the blessings of my babies = Darby, Toot, Emma, Pete, Penny, Linus, Lucy Belle and Charlie Brown. Baby-Doo is missing in physical form but alive in spirit all around me. My grief for him is still raw, there will be no closure, there is no end to the pain of the loss, just a place to put his memories and bring them out to cry or laugh about.
Baby-Doo, your life told me a story and I cherish those chapters you shared with me for almost 13 years. Love you always, my beloved old friend and miss you always.
By the way, my computer buddies for tonight are Toot (shown here getting a drink from the faucet, a favorite place for him to quench his thirst) and Pete, watching TV from her front-row seat.
Three of my blessings, part of my story.
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