I Believe In Yesterday

by Harry Patrick

It is said that the heart and the mind process grief differently. The heart feels like it is literally aching, there is pain and tears. I don't know enough about the makeup of the human body to understand how that happens, but it happens. The mind processes a death sort of logically, trying to figure out what happened, where it happened, who it happened to, things that are logical and rational and understandable.
But, when the sadness and grief come from a death that was unexpected and violent, the processes of the heart and mind become intermingled.
On a rainy Sunday night, October 6, 2013, when the sky opened up with a fury, my close and dear friend Ray Ellis, on his way to the First Church of God evening services with his wife, Nellie, was struck by a car on Slate Avenue. I said goodbye to one of the closest friends I have ever had on Wednesday, October 9, 2013 during visitation hours. I didn't go to the funeral.
It's hard for me, has gotten harder for me over the past couple of years, to go to funerals, because since I've been in Bath County, I have been to so many, I became almost numb to the proceedings and the grief pushes me to a place I don't like to be, close to the edge of my mental limitations.
Ray and I first met at the Outlook office when I started working there over ten years ago. I don't remember the exact year we met, honestly, numbers escape me at times, but I believe I have known Ray for about 12-13 years.
We sat side-by-side at the Outlook office and exchanged many, many stories over the years we worked together.
He and Nellie owned the Kountry Kettle Restaurant in Miller Plaza at that time. It was a very popular place that I ate at quite often and where, on occasion, Margaret Metz and I would have lunch and where we would celebrate our May birthdays together.
Margaret passed away this year also and I look back on the yesterdays she and I shared at work and at the Kountry Kettle. She holds a special place in my heart and I cherish those lunches she and I would have, Ray sometimes joining us for a cup of coffee and some gossip.
I know our time on earth is limited and no one is promised tomorrow, so that is why we should embrace our blessings while we can and be thankful for the people we love and enjoy the moments as they happen.
There was a table in the back of the restaurant that Ray claimed as his personal domain, but I managed to wrangle my way to the table on many occasions and finally it was just natural to go to that table when I walked into the Kettle.
One night, I even washed dishes when one of their employees didn't show up.
Sometimes, when the restaurant closed and the last customer had left, I would stop by after Ray called me and said he would like some company. We would sit at that back table and talk about everything and nothing. There was nothing off limits as to what we would talk about.
Occasionally, we would have a drink. Some people I know, if they had known about that, would have frowned and pointed fingers at both of us, but neither one of us cared what people would say and we enjoyed the moment while it lasted.
Ray was a good person, with a good heart and a personality that would win over whoever came into his circle.
Recently, he had battled a medical crisis and was on his way to recovery, I have been told and I had not spoken to him or seen him in recent weeks, but I would think about the good times we had and the laughter we shared when I accompanied him on his trips to Sam's Club to buy supplies for the restaurant. Sometimes we would go to Max and Erma's to have lunch or sometimes we would go to the Waffle House to indulge in food that was not really good for us, but it tasted heavenly.
I'm not going to dwell on the aspects of the accident because I don't want to remember him that way. He is more than a highway statistic, he is more than a victim, he was a friend who accepted me, warts and all, without judgment. Sometimes he would be critical of some of my decisions, but it was always constructive criticism.
He drew people to him because he knew how to make a person feel comfortable, he knew how to carry the conversation and he had a wicked sense of humor.
I will miss all of that, but most of all, I will miss those talks we had over those drinks late at night in a closed restaurant, when the world seemed far away and it was just two friends enjoying that moment in time.
I pray he is resting in God's loving arms and will be at eternal peace.
It is God's decision to call someone Home and I am not one to question that decision. I can only grieve for a man I loved as a good friend.
There is a Beatle's song that I think sums up my life at this moment = "There's a shadow hanging over me, but I believe in yesterday".
Yesterday doesn't have to be literally the day that has just passed, it can mean the years that make up a person's life and memories.
My circle of friends has diminished by one, but I do believe in yesterday, where the memories of my friend Ray Ellis will live forever.
Rest in peace, Ray, will see you one of these days where we can talk among the clouds.