Somebody's Always Looking For Something

People often ask me what "my truth" is.

I'm always talking about it. 

It's as simple as black and white = you live your life the way your heart tells you.

Sometimes, well, actually, a lot of times, I struggle to live my truth, because when I do live it, it doesn't make my life easier for me to live, it's just something my heart and mind tell me is right.

There is a song by Annie Lennox called Sweet Dreams = one line is "somebody's always looking for something" = I think that's true, in my case, as well as just about everyone on this planet. I don't know what I'm looking for, but my mind is unsettled, and I don't know if that is from the mental illness, the MS or just an uncertainty of life.

Annie Lennox in the 1990s

Go to www.google.com and click on Video under Annie Lennox Sweet Dreams = 

it's the first song listed on the screen = to listen to the entire song.

In fact, it will probably be the last song played at my memorial, accompanied by pictures on a video I'm trying to put together.

You know, I'm only a messenger here on Earth. I don't tell people what they need, what to do, what they  like, what they dislike, I'm here offering my opinions and how I feel about certain things.

Everybody is looking for something = the perfect family, the perfect "something" of which there is none = nothing perfect exists here on Earth.

 Women are always looking for the right shoe, the right dress, the right hat, the right makeup, etc. Men are always looking for the right girl, the right car, the right clothes, etc.  Always looking = always have, always will.

Some people have taken exception to my philosophies of life and that is their right, but this column is not written to be read and criticized, it's to be read if you like to read about what I'm thinking = on my life, my way of life, my philosophy of life, my babies, my spiritual beliefs = it's not written for you to read and believe you have to be like me or think like me or live like me = I've said it before and I'll say it again = I wouldn't wish my  mental illness or my sexual orientation on my worst enemy = because both are constant struggles and you have to be a certain kind of person to live with that, to struggle with that and be OK with that = sometimes I'm not OK with any of it. 

Sometimes I feel like going out there in that gravel road in front of my trailer and screaming until I can't scream no more, but it would do me no good, would probably get me locked up at Morehead's Psych Ward and get me arrested for disturbing the peace, or both and I don't want to do that, but sometimes I feel like it.

I look at life from "both sides now" = if you notice and I think some of you readers have, that a lot of my columns are centered around the title of a song and Joni Mitchell created one of the better songs of my generation = I think she was speaking of the "ups and downs" of life and the way she looked at life from those two perspectives = that's my take on it anyway. I think that's a good philosophy to have = there have been a lot of "downs' in my life, but somehow I've managed to jump over them and land on my feet.

One of these days, I won't be able to do that = one of these days, I will "run out of steam" and call it "quits".

I am in the process of pre-arranging my funeral/memorial and that is an eye-opening experience, but it's something I needed to do. I'm almost through getting everything together, but a few loose ends need to be tied up. I'm talking about this like I'm going to be there to critique the arrangements after I'm gone = well, you never know, stranger things have happened = I do believe I've lived several lives before this and I do believe in reincarnation, so it could happen. You never know.

By the way, this is what my "sweet dreams" are made of:

Until next time, this is the Last Word = shhhhh, they're asleep.